by anne b
Happy Friday Jr. Ramblers! I am currently writing this blog post while sitting in a coffee shop in New York City! Can you believe it?? I definitely can’t! The fact that I am in New York City with Bailey and that while Bailey is at her conference, I am strolling around alone in the city and working (because yes, I still have to work on my research stuff) in various coffee shops is mind-blowing for my small-town brain. Even though Montréal is a big city and I do that kind of stuff all the time there, Montréal is still a very small city compared to the Big Apple. Whether I’m in a small town or a big city, though, dating still seems to be a struggle. But, looking back at everything that’s happened this year, I have definitely come a long way compared to one year ago. So, without further ado, let’s talk about what my dating life has been like since January.
One year ago, I was on Tinder and Bumble but I wasn’t actually swiping a ton or taking the steps to actually go on dates. Part of it was because I was too scared that the date would go horribly wrong. Another part was that I did not have the confidence to go on dates. So, I’m just going to say that I am pretty proud of myself for pushing myself to actually go on dates. Not all of them have been great, but all of them have ended on a positive note (I think).
I have had three dates so far: drinks at a bar, watching the Superbowl, and playing game boards while drinking. I know that doesn’t seem like a lot of dates but I’m a busy person. Plus, there are a few dates that were supposed to happen and then never did. Anyways, all three of these dates were pretty good. The conversation flowed well, it was surprisingly easy for me to find things to talk about, and the guys were nice, but I just wasn’t feeling that spark. One of the dates also started with me being very uncomfortable. There was just a little too much sexual forwardness from someone that I was meeting for the first time. Might just be me, but moving in close to me on the metro and whispering certain things in my ear after just shaking my hand for the first time is a little too much. So yes, I was very uncomfortable at first but I distanced myself a little and made it clear that I didn’t like that using body language. Every time he asked me to come close because he “wanted to tell me something”, I just said no. I got very lucky that this guy ended up being a decent guy and he respected my wishes. After me saying no a few times, he understood that I wasn’t comfortable and he stopped.
I was very close to asking my friend to fake an emergency call so that I could get out of there, but when he changed his attitude, I figured I might as well give it a chance. However, for all of you out there in the dating world, especially women, if you feel uncomfortable at any point please stay alert, get out of there, and make sure to stay in public places if you can’t get out of it immediately. Also, always tell your friends where you are going and with who because you never know.
Even though that date was uncomfortable at first, it did get better when we reached the bar. The drinks were good and the game was fun. However, I really wasn’t feeling any romantic attraction. So when he asked if there would be a second date, I mustered up some courage and told him that I didn’t think there would be. I was truthful and told him that I wasn’t feeling any connection.
The biggest thing I’ve learned from these dates is to just be honest. Sometimes that is terrifying and hard because you don’t want to hurt their feelings if you’re not feeling that spark, or you’re afraid they won’t reciprocate the feelings if you do like them. For instance, the first guy I went on dates with, I really liked him as a person. He was such a sweet and cool guy, but I saw him more as a friend and just didn’t feel that romantic spark. So after the second date, I knew I had to be straight with him because going on a third date and leading him on would just make it worse. Honestly, I think he took it really well. He was surprised but he also appreciated my honesty. We decided to try remaining friends and even went ax throwing after with my friend Nhu Anh. We haven’t really talked since then but I think it ended naturally and on a positive note (I hope). Whether you want to tell a person that you’re not interested or you are, the sooner you tell them, the better.
Besides the board game date being uncomfortable, I haven’t had any super weird dates. However, I have had a lot of weird encounters. From the Uber driver asking me three times if he should go New York with me because I was nice and pretty to a bus driver telling me I was making him nervous because I was too pretty (to be fair, that was kind of flattering and I think he was just being nice) to a man sitting next to me on the bus who just got released from prison for manslaughter telling me he’ll take me to this one restaurant. Thank goodness for my classmate who also happened to be on that bus. Knowing that he and his friend were on the bus really helped me from panicking. Also, to be clear, I was more panicked because the guy was asking a lot of personal information rather than the fact he was released from prison. Is it just me, or is there a pattern forming for the type of men I attract? That’s unfortunate…. Haha just kidding. There have also been a lot of sweet encounters with male strangers like the cute British guy who started talking to me at the bookstore or the nice, handsome guy I encountered in my building who looks like he came out of Crazy Rich Asians. Unfortunately, though, no dates came out of these encounters (yet).
Well anyways, there is the run down of what my dating life has been this year. To all of my Ramblers looking to get into the dating life or in the dating life, take on that “Thank u, next” attitude and get out there! No matter what happens, everyone will move on and heal with time.